Pointless
by Kirrae
Summary: For anon on the kink meme. "Kadar just didn't understand why his brother was so against the idea." AltairxMalik


For anon on the kink meme. The prompt was: _Altair is single. Malik is single. Kadar can't draw a more obvious conclusion. Kadar being a general yaoi fanboy and playing matchmaker._

* * *

Pointless

Kadar just didn't understand why his brother was so against the idea.

"It's not like either of you is in a relationship."

"It's not that, the problem is that you're asking me to date Altair. _ATLAIR_."

"So? You're friends with him. I don't see the problem."

"Kadar, he's all right as a friend, and that's giving him credit he doesn't deserve, but you do not want a man like Altair as a lover."

"Why?"

"Because he's a stupid novice."

"Real mature, Malik, really. Super mature of you."

"Shut up."

Sometimes, his brother was an absolute idiot. The man had been single for years now, ever since that failure with Abbas. Kadar shuddered every time he thought of the man. Fat ugly asshole that he was. And Altair had deduced from two failed relationships with two rather different women that he really ought to stay away from them. It ended badly. Maria almost ripped his face off. Adha was at least more centered, but even that was, well, it had an unpleasant ending.

So, the two of them had been friends since they were children, both were not looking for a relationship with a woman, and both were rather attractive, as Kadar had noticed. He just didn't understand why his brother would blush, stutter, and refuse to date Alatir, unless...

Oh.

Idiot.

* * *

He found Altair in the hallway between classes. Granted, he stalked the other man's room, but, it was only three doors down, so it wasn't exactly _stalking_ per se. More like ambushing. Or observing when he was home. Yes, that was it, observing and waiting. Not stalking. At all.

"Hey, Altair!"

The other turned, shoulders tense, and seemed a bit jumpy.

"Wha? Oh, Kadar. It's just you."

"I was just wondering..."

"Yes?" The words were ground out as if they were painful to speak.

"Why aren't you and Malik dating?"

_I think he'd kill me if it weren't for Malik sometimes_, Kadar thought. _Either that, or I'm too cute to kill_. He took a second to look over the other's murderous expression and reconsidered. _No, it's definitely Malik_.

"Why would we?"

"Because you're both gay and single?"

"If I dated every single gay man, I'd be a bit of a manwhore, Kadar. And in case you're mistaken, I'm not Ezio."

"I know you aren't. You haven't mentioned Leonardo yet."

"Did someone set you up to this?"

"No."

"Then why do you care?"

"Because I love my brother." That, and he thinks they'd be a fucking cute couple. Well, cute when they weren't fucking, that is. _That_ he does not need, nor want to see. Not with his brother involved, anyway. Despite that annoying voice in the back of his head that thinks Altair and Malik would be damn sexy to watch. He refuses to sink to that level. Refuses.

Kadar realized too late he shouldn't have said that, because Altair's smirk just widened.

"And what does that have to do with me?"

Open mouth, insert foot. Repeat.

"I- uuh... nevermind."

He turned to run, but Altair was quick when he wanted to be and grabbed the hood of his jacket before he could get away. _Damn_.

"Kadar."

_Fuck_.

"It's nothing. Just a crazy idea. Sorry to have bothered you with it."

"Why? Why would you ever think Malik and I would be good together. You've seen us interact."

"Yeah, you do it often."

"And that makes you think _Malik_ and _I _would be _what_? Some sort of normal couple? Kadar, we can't go five minutes without tearing each other apart. It'd never work."

"You seem to have thought this out."

"Because you aren't the only one who's mentioned it."

"Really?"

And now Altair was the one left cursing his stupid loose tongue.

"It was just Ezio and Desmond. So, no one I'd listen to."

"I don't think it was only Ezio and Desmond. Did Maria say something?"

"Don't mention that woman."

"Okay then."

The grip on his hood relaxed and he ran.

Altair called after him as he ran- "Tell Malik that if he wants me so bad, he knows where to find me!"

Malik was going to slaughter him.

* * *

"KADAR! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU TELL THAT NOIVCE!" It's not even a question. They both know what Kadar said to Altair, so really, it's just Malik trying to make him feel worse about it. It's working. Malik is a master of the guilt-trip.

"I just thought I'd ask, because you couldn't give me a good reason why not. And if anyone can shoot an idea down, it's Altair."

"That's because he hates everything."

"Not everything. He likes _you_, for one."

"Kadar."

Like that warning tone is actually going to work on him.

"He didn't have any reasons. Other than the fact that Ezio and Desmond suggested it."

"That makes your point so much stronger."

"It does."

"What? How?"

"Just think, brother. If _Ezio_ and _Desmond_ notice all the sexual tension, it's got to be damn obvious, yo."

"Why did you just say 'yo'?"

"Been playing too much FF7. I blame Reno."

"Understandable."

"I know. You couldn't stop ending every sentence in 'yo' for weeks. It was hilarious. We found the video a few weeks ago and put it on youtube."

"YOU DID WHAT?"

"We were bored."

"Who is 'we'?"

"I think you know."

"And you wonder why I don't want to date him."

"I think you do."

"You're blind. And stupid. And crazy, definitely crazy. Probably certifiable. And deaf. You likely have a learning disorder-"

"Mal, shut up."

Of course, the voice that sounded was not in front of Malik, nor was it the soft tone of his brother. The rough baritone came from behind him, and the intonation was far too familiar for Malik to ignore just who it was interrupting him.

"Why? He's insane." Malik turned.

"Or maybe we are."

"What are you talking about?" Altair advanced.

"There's always been something there Mal, and despite the fact that you deny it every time, it's still there. Always will be. We might as well do something about it."

"Inaction is as much-" The Son of None took another step further.

"An action as any other. I know. But it hasn't changed a damn thing."

"We've been through this-" Another step- they were practically touching at this point.

"And every time you give the same excuse. It doesn't hold up, now does it? Because despite the arguments, I'm still here, aren't I?"

"That doesn't mean you will be!"

"It's as close as you can get to a guarantee in something like this." Altair reached a hand up and rested it against the other's cheekbone, tilting Malik's face upward slightly in the process.

"He has a point, brother."

"Stay out of this!" Neither of them turned to look at him, and he was slightly disappointed. He'd been hoping to shake them from whatever trance they were in. He was happy they'd resolved something, but he really didn't want to be part of it.

"Much as I hate to say this," Altair seemed unsure of himself, even though his posture screamed otherwise. "The kid does have a right to talk."

"What? You-? How?"

"Speechless Mal? If I'd have known it was this easy, I'd have said it years ago."

"Shut up Novice!"

"Never."

"Okay, seriously? I'm still here! Don't start with your flirting in front of me! Just because I want you happy and together doesn't mean that I want to _see_ you happy and together. Get a room!"

He really didn't expect Altair to answer him. He had kind of hoped they'd ignore him until he could back out of the room and hide, preferably somewhere where he could wipe the image of Malik and Altair flirting out of his mind forever. Or maybe he just hoped they'd continue so he could watch and have a reason for it.

"We have one, so get out of it." And Altair had brought Malik into a tight embrace of arms, legs, lips, tongues and probably teeth.

He moved to oblige.

"Wait," he paused at the door, but refused to turn around. If the squishing noises behind him were any indication, his sanity would not survive a glance behind. "Why don't you go to your room, Altair? You have a single!"

The squishing stopped and he could only assume they'd disentangled themselves.

"Good idea."

They passed him on their way out, Malik grinning at him rather reluctantly, Altair ruffling his hair. He was glad his brother's boyfriend didn't live next door, but he turned on the stereo system anyway. One never knew how loud a couple could be.


End file.
